The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize