That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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