last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
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