I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
