I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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