My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
