she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
