i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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