so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
