I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
