It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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