im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
