i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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