so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
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