i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
