after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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