Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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