she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
it's great music for shaving your balls
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
