it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
