Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Michael Bay diarrhea
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
