i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
