You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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