Swine flu. Run for my life!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she looked like the before picture.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
