hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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