He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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