i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
