when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
