Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
