Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
