We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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