Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
