forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
