i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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