I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
