I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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