The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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