i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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