Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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