tell your sister to shave her snatch
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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