after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I enjoy the company of your penis
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
