Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
