i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
