He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
