Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
