i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
