Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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