please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
