I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
