Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
