We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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