Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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