i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
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that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
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I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
And then the night went full on bisexual.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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