it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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