YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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