Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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