i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
