The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
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She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
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I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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