it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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