let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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