hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
