his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
