In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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