you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
