I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
