i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
North Korea, Best Korea!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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