i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
