OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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