So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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