Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
