hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
