You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
