4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
