Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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