I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
