giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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