how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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