Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
